Grief During Menopause: When Two Life Changes Collide

If you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s experiencing grief while also navigating perimenopause or menopause, you might feel like you’re losing your mind.

Your emotions are all over the place. You’re crying more than usual, or perhaps you can’t cry at all. You’re exhausted but can’t sleep. You’re foggy and forgetful. You can’t tell if what you’re feeling is grief, hormones, or both.

And when you try to talk about it, people either focus on your grief (“give it time”) or your menopause (“it’s just hormones”) without understanding that the two together create a uniquely challenging experience.

I’m Lucy Cole, founder of Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield and an award-winning grief coach who also specialises in menopause coaching. I lost my mother, my stepfather, my marriage, and my business all while navigating perimenopause myself. I understand how these two massive life transitions collide and compound each other.

Here’s what nobody tells you: grief during menopause is harder than grief alone, and menopause with grief is harder than menopause alone. But it’s also completely manageable when you understand what’s happening and have the right support.

Let me explain why this combination is so challenging, and more importantly, how to navigate it.

Why Menopause Makes Grief Harder (And Vice Versa)

The Perfect Storm: Hormones + Loss

Menopause and grief both involve profound loss and change. When they happen simultaneously, they create what I call “the perfect storm.”

Menopause involves losing:

• Your fertility and reproductive identity
• Predictable hormone patterns
• Physical comfort (hot flushes, night sweats, aching joints)
• Mental clarity (brain fog, memory issues)
• Emotional stability (mood swings, irritability, anxiety)
• Your sense of who you are as you transition into a new life phase

Grief involves losing:

• A person, relationship, job, health, or identity
• Your sense of safety and control
• Your previous life and future plans
• Sometimes your entire support system
• Your belief that life is predictable or fair

When both happen together:

• Hormonal changes intensify grief emotions
• Grief stress worsens menopause symptoms
• You question whether what you’re feeling is “normal”
• You feel isolated because few people understand the dual challenge
• Physical and emotional symptoms compound and overwhelm
• You may struggle to know what needs addressing first

The Biology: How Hormones Affect Grief Processing

Understanding the biological connection between menopause and grief helps you recognise that what you’re experiencing isn’t “all in your head”, it’s a real physiological challenge.

Oestrogen and Emotional Regulation

Oestrogen plays a crucial role in mood regulation. As oestrogen levels fluctuate and decline during perimenopause and menopause:

• Serotonin decreases – Serotonin is your “feel-good” neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood, sleep, and appetite. Lower oestrogen = lower serotonin = more depression and anxiety
• Emotional intensity increases – You might find yourself crying at adverts or feeling rage over small annoyances
• Stress tolerance decreases – Things that wouldn’t normally bother you feel overwhelming
• Processing emotions becomes harder – Your brain’s ability to regulate emotions is literally compromised

What this means for grief: When you’re already struggling with profound sadness from loss, hormonal changes amplify these emotions. You’re not “overreacting”, your body’s emotional regulation system is working with reduced resources.

Cortisol and the Stress Response

Grief is intensely stressful. Menopause is intensely stressful. Together, they flood your body with cortisol (the stress hormone).

Chronic high cortisol causes:

• Disrupted sleep (worsening both grief insomnia and menopause night sweats)
• Weight gain, especially around the middle
• Weakened immune system
• Memory problems and brain fog
• Anxiety and panic attacks
• Increased inflammation and pain

The vicious cycle: Grief raises cortisol → High cortisol worsens menopause symptoms → Worsening symptoms increase stress → More cortisol → More grief symptoms → And round it goes.

Breaking this cycle requires addressing both the grief AND the hormonal changes, not just one or the other.

Progesterone and Anxiety

Progesterone has a calming, anti-anxiety effect. As it declines during menopause, anxiety often increases significantly.

Add grief anxiety to menopause anxiety:

• Panic about your loved one’s death
• Fear of more loss
• Worry about your own mortality
• Health anxiety
• Sleep-depriving night-time anxiety
• Physical anxiety symptoms (racing heart, chest tightness, breathlessness)

Many women tell me they feel like they’re “going mad” or “having a breakdown” when actually they’re experiencing the normal (if overwhelming) response to grief plus hormonal changes.

Common Experiences: What Grief During Menopause Feels Like

You might be experiencing some or all of these:

Emotional Amplification

Everything feels more intense. Grief that might feel manageable at another life stage feels unbearable. You cry more, rage more, or feel more numb than you expect.

Confusion About What’s Causing What

“Am I crying because I’m grieving or because of hormones?” “Is this brain fog from grief or menopause?” “Am I depressed or is this just perimenopause?” (Answer: it’s often both, and that’s okay.)

Physical Symptoms That Overlap

• Exhaustion (grief + menopause)
• Insomnia (grief + night sweats)
• Aching joints and muscles (grief tension + menopause inflammation)
• Digestive issues (grief stress + hormonal changes)
• Heart palpitations (grief anxiety + menopause)

Identity Crisis Squared

Menopause involves questioning who you are as you leave your reproductive years. Grief involves rebuilding your identity after loss. Together, you might feel completely lost: “Who am I now that I’ve lost [person/job/relationship] AND my body is changing?”

Social Isolation

People minimise either your grief (“you’re being too emotional, is it your hormones?”) or your menopause (“you’re just upset about your loss”). Nobody seems to understand that you’re navigating both.

Loss of Agency and Control

Both grief and menopause can make you feel powerless. You can’t control your emotions, your body, your circumstances, or your future. This compounds feelings of helplessness.

Specific Grief + Menopause Scenarios

Losing a Parent During Menopause

This is incredibly common. Many women are in their 40s and 50s when their parents become elderly and pass away.

The unique challenges:

• You’re losing the person who guided you through life changes, right when you need guidance
• You might be caring for them while your own body struggles
• Mother loss during menopause brings up complex feelings about womanhood, ageing, and mortality
• You’re suddenly the “older generation” which intensifies menopause’s existential questions

I lost my mother to brain cancer when I was 25 and then my stepfather shortly after. If I’d been in menopause at the time, I honestly don’t know how I would have coped. But I work with many women now who are navigating parent loss during menopause, and I see the unique pain this combination creates.

Divorce During Menopause

Divorce rates actually increase during menopause years. You might be ending a long marriage while your body is changing dramatically.

The unique challenges:

• Grieving your marriage while hormones make emotions more volatile
• Dating anxiety compounded by body image issues and menopause symptoms
• Starting over financially when menopause fatigue affects work performance
• Losing your partner’s support right when you need support most
• Questioning your desirability and worth as a woman

When my marriage ended, I was already in perimenopause. The combination was devastating. I felt like I was losing everything, my partner, my family structure, my identity, while my body was betraying me too.

Job Loss or Career Changes During Menopause

Many women face redundancy, forced retirement, or career setbacks during their 40s and 50s. Add menopause symptoms that affect performance and confidence, and it’s a perfect storm.

The unique challenges:

• Brain fog and memory issues affecting job performance
• Fatigue making work feel impossible
• Confidence erosion from menopause compounding career grief
• Ageism + sexism + “menopause discrimination” in the workplace
• Financial stress when you might need expensive menopause treatments

Death of a Spouse During Menopause

Widowhood at any age is devastating, but during menopause adds extra layers:

The unique challenges:

• Losing your intimate partner when your body and sexuality are changing
• Processing grief alone when menopause symptoms make everything harder
• Hot flushes and night sweats adding to grief insomnia
• No one to help you through menopause symptoms
• Future dating anxiety about your changing body

Empty Nest + Menopause + Other Loss

Sometimes multiple losses happen at once:

The unique challenges:

• Children leaving home (loss of identity as active parent)
• Parents dying or declining health
• Menopause ending fertility
• Body changing and ageing
• Questioning your purpose and future

This “compound grief” during menopause can feel like your entire life is ending. But it’s actually a transition, albeit an incredibly difficult one.

How to Cope: Practical Strategies for Grief During Menopause

The good news is that when you understand what’s happening, you can take specific actions to support yourself through both grief and menopause.

1. Separate What’s Grief, What’s Menopause, and What’s Both

Keep a symptom journal for two weeks:

• Track your emotions, physical symptoms, and energy levels
• Note what time of month it is (if you still have periods, symptoms may worsen before menstruation)
• Look for patterns

This helps you:

• Identify what might respond to grief support vs. hormone support
• Explain to healthcare providers what you’re experiencing
• Validate that you’re not “going mad”, you’re experiencing two real biological processes

2. Get Proper Menopause Support

Many women suffer unnecessarily because they don’t get proper menopause treatment. This makes grief infinitely harder.

Consider:

• HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) – Replacing oestrogen and progesterone can dramatically improve mood, sleep, and emotional regulation, making grief more manageable
• Alternative treatments – Herbal remedies (black cohosh, red clover), acupuncture, supplements
• Lifestyle modifications – Diet, exercise, stress reduction specifically for menopause

Important: HRT isn’t just about reducing hot flushes. It can genuinely help with emotional regulation, making grief less overwhelming. Many of my clients say HRT “gave them back their ability to cope.”

Talk to a menopause specialist (not just a GP who might dismiss your symptoms). Proper menopause treatment isn’t a luxury when you’re grieving, it’s essential.

3. Get Proper Grief Support

Similarly, don’t try to navigate grief alone when menopause is already overwhelming you.

Consider:

• Grief coaching – Practical, forward-focused support with trauma-informed techniques
• NLP and hypnotherapy – Particularly helpful for regulating emotions and processing loss
• Support groups – Connecting with others who understand
• Talking therapy – If you need to explore deep psychological aspects

At Love Life Coaching & Events, I provide grief support that takes your menopause symptoms into account. We work with your energy levels, adjust techniques when you’re having particularly bad days, and use approaches that help regulate your nervous system, which benefits both grief AND menopause.

4. Prioritise Sleep (Even Though It’s Hard)

Both grief and menopause destroy sleep. But lack of sleep makes everything worse, grief feels more intense, menopause symptoms worsen, and you can’t cope.

Sleep strategies for grief + menopause:

• Cool bedroom – Combat night sweats and hot flushes
• Layers and moisture-wicking bedding – So you can adjust temperature easily
• Magnesium supplement – Helps with sleep and reduces anxiety
• No screens before bed – Blue light worsens both menopause insomnia and grief rumination
• Relaxation techniques – Breathing exercises, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation
• Consider HRT – Often dramatically improves sleep quality

If sleep remains severely disrupted, talk to your doctor about short-term sleep support. You cannot heal from grief without sleep.

5. Move Your Body Regularly

Exercise helps both grief and menopause significantly:

Benefits for grief:

• Processes stress hormones
• Releases endorphins (natural mood lifters)
• Provides a healthy outlet for emotion
• Improves sleep

Benefits for menopause:

• Reduces hot flushes
• Maintains bone density (oestrogen loss increases osteoporosis risk)
• Helps with weight management
• Reduces anxiety and depression
• Improves sleep quality

Best exercises for grief + menopause:

• Walking – Gentle, accessible, can be done daily
• Yoga – Reduces stress, improves flexibility, helps with mood
• Strength training – Crucial for bone health and muscle mass (which declines with menopause)
• Swimming – Low impact, cooling, meditative
• Dancing – Joyful movement that lifts mood

Start small. Even 15 minutes a day makes a difference. Don’t let perfectionism stop you, something is always better than nothing.

6. Eat to Support Hormones and Grief Recovery

Nutrition affects both menopause symptoms and emotional wellbeing profoundly.

Foods that help:

• Protein – Supports mood, maintains muscle mass, provides building blocks for neurotransmitters (aim for 20-30g per meal)
• Omega-3 fatty acids – Reduces inflammation, supports brain health (oily fish, walnuts, flaxseeds)
• Phytoestrogens – Plant compounds that mimic oestrogen (soya, flaxseeds, chickpeas)
• Calcium and Vitamin D – Bone health (dairy, leafy greens, fortified foods, sunshine)
• B vitamins – Energy and mood support (whole grains, eggs, leafy greens)
• Magnesium – Sleep, anxiety, muscle tension (nuts, seeds, dark chocolate)

Foods to limit:

• Alcohol – Worsens hot flushes, sleep, mood, and grief processing
• Caffeine – Can trigger hot flushes and anxiety
• Sugar and refined carbs – Blood sugar crashes worsen mood swings
• Spicy food – Can trigger hot flushes

I know when you’re grieving, sometimes you just want comfort food. That’s okay. This isn’t about perfection, it’s about noticing what makes you feel better or worse and making small adjustments.

7. Connect with Others Going Through Similar Experiences

Feeling understood makes an enormous difference. Seek out:

• Grief support groups – People who understand loss
• Menopause support communities – Women navigating the change
• Ideally, spaces where both are acknowledged – Harder to find but incredibly valuable

Online communities can be helpful, but in-person connection is even more powerful. If you can’t find a group that addresses both grief and menopause, consider joining separate groups for each.

8. Be Gentle with Your Changing Body

Menopause changes your body. Weight gain, especially around the middle, is common. Skin changes. Hair thins. Joints ache.

When you’re also grieving, you might feel like everything is falling apart.

Practice body compassion:

• Your body is carrying you through two massive transitions
• Weight gain during menopause is partly protective (fat cells produce oestrogen when ovaries stop)
• Your body is not betraying you, it’s doing its best in challenging circumstances
• Focus on how you feel more than how you look
• Dress for comfort and confidence, not to hide

This is hard. We live in a culture that worships youth and fears ageing. But grief often brings perspective: life is precious and short. Your body deserves kindness, not criticism.

9. Consider Complementary Therapies

Many women find these helpful for both grief and menopause:

• Acupuncture – Evidence supports it for hot flushes and emotional regulation
• Massage – Reduces stress, helps with grief-related tension
• Reflexology – Some women find it helpful for menopause symptoms
• Hypnotherapy – Proven effective for hot flushes and grief processing
• Herbal medicine – Black cohosh, sage, red clover (consult a qualified herbalist)

At Love Life Coaching & Events, I use hypnotherapy as part of grief coaching. Many clients report it helps with both their grief symptoms and their menopause symptoms, particularly hot flushes and sleep issues.

10. Advocate for Yourself with Healthcare Providers

Too many doctors dismiss women’s experiences, especially around menopause. Add grief and you might hear:

• “It’s just hormones, you’re fine”
• “It’s just grief, give it time”
• “Have you tried yoga?” (When you need actual medical support)
• “Maybe you’re just depressed” (Without exploring menopause or grief properly)

How to advocate for yourself:

• Come prepared with your symptom journal
• Be clear: “I’m experiencing grief AND menopause and I need support for both”
• Ask specifically about HRT and grief counselling/coaching referrals
• If your GP dismisses you, see a different GP or request a menopause specialist
• Remember: you are the expert on your own experience

You deserve to be taken seriously. Both grief and menopause are real medical concerns that deserve proper treatment.

The Hidden Gifts: Growth Through Grief and Menopause

I know this sounds impossible when you’re in the thick of it, but many women, myself included, find that navigating grief during menopause eventually leads to profound personal growth.

What women often discover:

• Clarity about what matters – Loss and life transition strip away the superficial. You know what matters now
• Authentic living – Menopause often brings a “I don’t care what others think” freedom. Grief reinforces this
• Deeper compassion – For yourself and others who are struggling
• Resilience – You’ve survived one of the hardest combinations life can throw at you
• New identity – Freed from old roles and expectations, you get to choose who you become
• Perspective – Grief shows you life is precious. Menopause reminds you time is limited. Together, they inspire you to live fully

I’m not suggesting you should be grateful for grief or menopause. They’re both difficult. But when you come through this, and you will, you’ll likely find you’re stronger, wiser, and more yourself than ever before.

Why I’m Uniquely Positioned to Help

As someone who offers both grief coaching AND menopause coaching, I’m one of the few professionals in Birmingham, possibly in the UK, who specialises in supporting women through both simultaneously.

I understand:

• How hormones intensify grief emotions
• When symptoms are grief-related vs. menopause-related vs. both
• How to adjust grief coaching techniques when you’re having a bad menopause day
• Why traditional grief support often fails women in menopause
• What you need to hear (and what you don’t)

My approach combines:

• Grief Recovery Specialist techniques – Proven methods for processing loss
• Master NLP & Hypnotherapy – Regulates nervous system, processes emotions, helps with hot flushes
• Menopause coaching expertise – Understanding hormones, lifestyle factors, treatment options
• Trauma-informed approaches – Recognising that loss during menopause can be traumatic
• Lived experience – I’ve navigated perimenopause during multiple losses myself

At Love Life Coaching & Events, we don’t just address your grief or your menopause, we address how they interact and compound each other. This integrated approach is what makes the difference.

You Don’t Have to Choose Between Grief Support and Menopause Support

For too long, women have been told to pick: see a grief counsellor OR see a menopause specialist. But you need both.

What comprehensive support looks like:

• Understanding how your hormones affect your grief processing
• Addressing physical symptoms that make grief harder
• Regulating your nervous system so you can cope with both
• Lifestyle adjustments that support hormones AND emotional healing
• Medication/HRT discussion alongside grief coaching
• Recognising when grief is complicated by hormonal changes
• Compassionate support that doesn’t dismiss either experience

This is exactly what I provide. Because I’ve lived it, trained in it, and helped dozens of women navigate it.

Take the First Step

If you’re struggling with grief during menopause, please know: you’re not losing your mind, you’re not weak, and you’re not failing. You’re experiencing one of life’s most challenging combinations, and you deserve specialist support.

I offer:

• Free 30-minute consultation to discuss your specific situation
• 12-week Grief to Growth programme adapted for menopause
• One-to-one sessions addressing both grief and menopause
• Trauma-informed approaches using NLP and hypnotherapy
• Practical strategies you can use immediately
• Compassionate support from someone who truly understands

You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to suffer through years of overwhelm. Support is available, and it works.

Contact me today:

📞 Call or text: 0121 387 3727
🌐 Visit: www.lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📧 Email: lucy@lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📍 Clinic: The Vesey, Private Hospital, Unit 3, Reddicap Trading Estate, Sutton Coldfield, B75 7BH

Serving Birmingham, Sutton Coldfield, Four Oaks, Boldmere, Solihull, and the West Midlands. Online sessions available UK-wide.

Let me help you navigate this storm. Together, we’ll find your way from chaos to calm, from pain to peace, from surviving to thriving.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if my symptoms are grief or menopause?
Often they’re both. A symptom journal tracking emotions, physical symptoms, and timing helps identify patterns. But the good news is that many strategies help both, so you don’t always need to separate them perfectly.

Will HRT help with my grief?
HRT won’t cure grief, but by stabilising hormones, it can significantly improve emotional regulation, sleep, and anxiety, making grief more manageable. Many women find that once their menopause symptoms are treated, they can actually process grief more effectively.

I’m in my 60s and post-menopausal. Can grief still interact with hormones?
Yes. Post-menopausal women have much lower hormone levels than pre-menopausal women, which can still affect mood and stress resilience. While acute menopause symptoms may have passed, hormonal factors still influence grief processing.

Is it normal to feel worse than other grieving people seem to?
If you’re comparing yourself to men or younger women, remember, they’re not dealing with menopause on top of grief. Your experience is legitimately harder. You’re not weak; you’re dealing with more.

Can menopause cause grief even if I haven’t lost anyone?
Absolutely. Menopause itself involves multiple losses: fertility, youth, physical comfort, sometimes career and identity. Many women experience genuine grief around menopause even without external loss. This is valid and real.

How long will I feel this terrible?
Grief during menopause can feel overwhelming for several months to a few years. But with proper support for both grief AND menopause, you’ll start feeling better much sooner than if you try to tough it out alone. Treatment makes a profound difference.

About the Author

Lucy Cole is the founder of Love Life Coaching & Events and an award-winning Grief Coach (Prestige Awards 2024/25 – Central England) based in Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham.

Lucy is one of the few professionals in the UK who specialises in supporting women experiencing both grief and menopause simultaneously. After navigating her own perimenopause during multiple devastating losses, including the death of her mother to brain cancer, finding her stepfather after a heart attack, divorce, and business collapse, Lucy understands the unique challenges this combination creates.

She combines grief recovery expertise with menopause coaching, providing integrated support that addresses both the hormonal and emotional aspects of this difficult life stage.

Qualifications: Grief Recovery Specialist | Master NLP & Hypnotherapy Practitioner | Menopause Coach | Personal Evolutionary Coach | Life, Health & Emotional Health Coaching | CBT Practitioner | Trauma-Informed Coach (in training)

Lucy launched Love Life Coaching & Events in 2020 to provide the support she wished she’d had during her darkest times. She is passionate about helping women navigate the intersection of grief and menopause with compassion, expertise, and practical strategies that actually work.