How to Cope with Grief: 15 Practical Strategies from a Trauma-Informed Coach

If you’re reading this, you’re probably in pain. Maybe you’ve recently lost someone you love. Perhaps you’re navigating divorce, job loss, or another significant change. Or maybe you’ve been grieving for months, even years, and you’re desperate for tools to help you cope with the overwhelming emotions.

I see you. I’ve been you.

I’m Lucy Cole, founder of Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield and an award-winning grief coach. I’ve walked through the valley of profound loss, losing my mother to brain cancer, finding my stepfather after his heart attack, going through divorce, losing my business, and facing near-bankruptcy all within a short space of time.

During my darkest days, I would have given anything for practical tools to help me survive each moment. Not theories or platitudes, but actual strategies I could use when grief knocked me to my knees at 3am, when a song triggered me at the supermarket, or when I had to function for my children despite feeling shattered inside.

Through my own healing journey and now supporting hundreds of adults and children across Birmingham and the West Midlands, I’ve learned what actually works. Not what sounds good in theory, but what helps you get through the day when you’re not sure you can.

You’ve got to feel it to heal it, but you also need tools to carry you through the feeling.

So here are 15 practical, proven strategies to help you cope with grief. Some might resonate immediately. Others might not feel right for you now but could be helpful later. Take what serves you and leave the rest. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

Understanding What “Coping” Really Means

Before we dive into strategies, let’s clarify something important: coping with grief doesn’t mean “getting over it” or pretending you’re fine.

Healthy coping means:

• Allowing yourself to feel your emotions without being consumed by them
• Developing tools to manage overwhelming moments
• Finding ways to honour your loss while still living your life
• Building resilience so grief doesn’t destroy everything else you value
• Creating space for both pain and joy to exist together

When I was drowning in grief, people kept telling me to “stay strong” or “keep busy” or “think positive.” These aren’t coping strategies, they’re avoidance tactics. And avoidance doesn’t work. The grief just comes out sideways through physical symptoms, depression, anxiety, or destructive behaviours.

Real coping is about facing your grief with compassion for yourself and practical tools to help you through.

15 Practical Strategies to Cope with Grief

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment

This might sound obvious, but so many of us try to push grief away. We think we should be “over it” by now, or we judge ourselves for still crying, or we feel guilty for having a good day.

Why it works: Emotions are like waves. When you try to hold back a wave, it builds up pressure and eventually crashes over you anyway, often at the worst possible moment. When you allow emotions to flow through you, they pass more quickly and with less intensity.

How to practice:

• When grief hits, stop what you’re doing if you can
• Place your hand on your heart and say: “It’s okay to feel this. I’m allowed to grieve.”
• Let yourself cry, rage, or sit in silence, whatever your body needs
• Set a timer if you’re worried about being consumed (e.g., “I’ll allow myself 20 minutes to fully feel this, then I’ll do something gentle for myself”)

I remember being terrified that if I started crying, I’d never stop. But what I learned is that emotions have a natural arc. They peak and then they subside, if you let them.

2. Breathe Through Overwhelming Moments

When grief overwhelms you, when you feel like you can’t breathe, when panic sets in, when your chest feels crushed, your nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode.

Why it works: Conscious breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system (your body’s “calm down” response) and brings you back to the present moment.

The 4-7-8 Breath technique:

1. Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
2. Hold your breath for 7 counts
3. Exhale through your mouth for 8 counts
4. Repeat 4 times

Alternative – Box Breathing:

• Inhale for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Exhale for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Repeat as needed

I use this technique multiple times a day, even now. It’s simple, free, and you can do it anywhere, in your car, at work, lying in bed at 3am.

3. Move Your Body, Even Just a Little

Grief gets trapped in your body. You might feel it as chest pain, tight shoulders, exhaustion, or digestive issues. Movement helps release stored emotions and trauma.

Why it works: Physical movement processes stress hormones, releases endorphins (natural mood boosters), and helps your nervous system regulate. You don’t need to run a marathon, gentle movement is often more helpful.

Practical options:

• Walking – 10-20 minutes in nature or around your neighbourhood
• Stretching – Gentle yoga or just reaching your arms overhead
• Shaking – Literally shake your body for 2-3 minutes to release tension
• Dancing – Put on music and move however feels good
• Gardening – The combination of movement, fresh air, and nurturing life is healing

On days when I could barely function, I’d force myself to walk around the block. Just that small act of movement would shift something. The grief didn’t disappear, but it became slightly more bearable.

Important: If movement feels impossible, that’s okay too. Some days, just getting out of bed is enough.

4. Talk About Your Loss (With Safe People)

One of the most damaging myths about grief is that you should “move on” and stop talking about the person or thing you’ve lost. This is completely wrong.

Why it works: Talking about your loss helps you process it, keeps the memory of your loved one alive, and reminds you that you’re not alone. Bottling it up leads to complicated grief and isolation.

How to do this safely:

• Choose people who can hold space without trying to “fix” you or rush your grief
• Be clear about what you need: “I need to talk about Mum today, and I don’t need advice, just listening”
• If friends/family aren’t supportive, seek professional help (grief coach, therapist, support group)
• Set boundaries with people who say unhelpful things like “they’re in a better place” or “time heals all wounds”

When I lost my mother, I needed to talk about her constantly. I’d tell the same stories over and over. For me, it kept her alive. Not everyone understood this, but the people who mattered did.

5. Write It Down, Journalling as Release

If talking feels too hard, or you don’t have safe people to talk to, writing can be incredibly therapeutic.

Why it works: Journalling gets the swirling thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It helps you process emotions, track your journey, and express things you can’t say out loud.

Journalling prompts for grief:

• “Today I’m feeling…”
• “What I miss most is…”
• “Dear [name], I wish I could tell you…”
• “The hardest part of today was…”
• “Something that brought me a tiny bit of peace today was…”

Types of grief journalling:

• Stream of consciousness – Just write whatever comes out, without censoring
• Letters to your loved one – Say what you never got to say
• Gratitude alongside grief – “Today I’m grateful for… and today I’m struggling with…”

You don’t need a fancy journal. A notebook from Tesco works perfectly. No one ever needs to read it. This is just for you.

6. Create Rituals to Honour Your Loss

Rituals give structure to grief and create meaningful ways to remember without feeling consumed by sadness.

Why it works: Rituals acknowledge your loss while giving you a sense of control and connection. They mark time and create space for both grief and healing.

Examples of grief rituals:

• Light a candle each morning or evening in memory of your loved one
• Visit their grave or a meaningful place on significant dates
• Create a memory box with photos, letters, or items that remind you of them
• Plant a tree or garden in their honour
• Cook their favourite meal on their birthday
• Donate to a cause they cared about on anniversaries

I have a small ritual every morning. I light a candle and spend a few moments thinking about my mother and stepfather. It’s simple, takes less than two minutes, but it keeps them present in my life in a way that feels loving rather than painful.

7. Set Boundaries and Say No

When you’re grieving, you have limited emotional energy. You cannot do everything you used to do, and that’s okay.

Why it works: Protecting your energy allows you to focus on healing rather than depleting yourself further by people-pleasing or overcommitting.

How to set grief boundaries:

• Say no to social events that feel too overwhelming
• Limit time with people who drain you or don’t respect your grief
• Ask for help (meals, childcare, errands) when you need it
• Communicate your needs clearly: “I’m not up for that right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me”
• It’s okay to cancel plans, leave early, or change your mind

I had to learn this the hard way. I kept saying yes to things because I didn’t want to disappoint people or seem like I “wasn’t coping.” But I was drowning. Learning to say “I need to prioritise my healing right now” was life-changing.

8. Regulate Your Nervous System with Grounding Techniques

Grief often triggers your nervous system into overdrive, anxiety, panic, dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality), or emotional numbness. Grounding techniques bring you back to the present moment and safety.

Why it works: Grounding signals to your brain that you’re safe right now, which calms your fight-or-flight response.

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or dissociated:

• Name 5 things you can see (the door, a plant, your hands)
• Name 4 things you can touch (your clothes, the chair, the floor)
• Name 3 things you can hear (birds, traffic, your breathing)
• Name 2 things you can smell (coffee, fresh air)
• Name 1 thing you can taste (mint, water, your morning tea)

Other grounding techniques:

• Hold ice cubes – The cold brings you sharply into the present
• Feet on the floor – Feel the connection between your feet and the ground
• Name the date and time – “It’s Tuesday, November 5th, 2025. I’m in my living room. I’m safe.”

These techniques saved me during panic attacks. When grief would hit suddenly and I felt like I was drowning, grounding techniques were my lifeline.

9. Be Gentle with Yourself on Hard Days

Some days will be harder than others. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, or just random Tuesday mornings when grief hits you like a lorry.

Why it works: Fighting against hard days makes them harder. Accepting them and being gentle with yourself allows them to pass more easily.

How to practice self-compassion:

• Lower your expectations for the day (today might be a “survive not thrive” day)
• Do the bare minimum and count it as a win (shower, eat something, brush your teeth, that’s enough)
• Speak to yourself like you’d speak to a dear friend who’s hurting
• Avoid “should” statements (“I should be over this,” “I should be more productive”)
• Plan gentle activities for known hard days (anniversaries, birthdays)

On the anniversary of my mother’s death, I give myself permission to completely fall apart if I need to. I clear my schedule, I don’t expect anything from myself, and I honour the day however feels right, whether that’s crying, looking at photos, or distracting myself with a film.

10. Nourish Your Body (Even When You Don’t Want To)

Grief affects your physical body profoundly. You might have no appetite, crave only junk food, forget to eat, or overeat to numb emotions.

Why it works: Your body needs fuel to process grief, regulate emotions, and function. When you’re malnourished, everything feels harder, emotions are more intense, energy is lower, and your immune system weakens.

Practical grief nutrition:

• Aim for “good enough” not perfect – A sandwich is better than nothing
• Protein stabilises mood – Eggs, chicken, nuts, yoghurt help regulate serotonin
• Keep simple foods available – Toast, soup, fruit, protein bars for when cooking feels impossible
• Stay hydrated – Dehydration worsens fatigue and brain fog
• Omega-3s support brain health – Salmon, walnuts, flaxseeds help with depression

I kept failing at this. I’d go all day without eating, then binge on rubbish at night. What helped was having a friend prepare simple meals I could freeze. On my worst days, I just needed to microwave something rather than face cooking.

If you can’t manage this yourself, ask for help. Let someone bring you meals. Order simple food delivery. It’s not indulgent, it’s survival.

11. Limit Alcohol and Avoid Substance Use

I need to be honest with you about this because it’s so tempting when you’re in pain: alcohol and drugs don’t heal grief. They just pause it, and often make it worse.

Why it matters: Substances might numb the pain temporarily, but they:

• Disrupt sleep (which you desperately need)
• Worsen depression and anxiety
• Prevent you from processing emotions
• Can lead to dependency issues
• Make grief last longer and become more complicated

What to do instead:

• If you’re drinking more than usual, notice it and be honest with yourself
• Find other ways to cope (see all the other strategies in this list)
• If you can’t stop on your own, reach out for support, this is nothing to be ashamed of
• Replace the habit with something else (when you’d normally pour a drink, make tea, go for a walk, call a friend)

I used wine to numb out during my worst grief. I’m not proud of it, but I understand why I did it. When I finally stopped, the grief was still there, but I could actually start healing instead of just delaying the pain.

12. Connect with Nature

There’s something profoundly healing about being in nature when you’re grieving. Whether it’s Sutton Park here in Birmingham, a local garden, or just sitting in your back garden, nature offers perspective and peace.

Why it works: Nature reminds you that life continues, seasons change, and there’s beauty alongside pain. Research shows that time in nature reduces cortisol (stress hormone), lowers blood pressure, and improves mood.

Ways to connect with nature during grief:

• Walk in a park or woodland – Even 15 minutes helps
• Sit by water – Rivers, lakes, or the sea have a calming effect
• Garden – Nurturing plants can be incredibly therapeutic
• Watch the sunrise or sunset – Marking time and witnessing beauty
• Bring nature indoors – Houseplants, flowers, open windows for fresh air

When I couldn’t face people, I could face trees. Sutton Park became my sanctuary. I’d walk and cry and somehow the grief felt more bearable outdoors.

13. Seek Professional Support, You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

This is perhaps the most important strategy of all: you don’t have to navigate grief alone.

Why it works: Grief coaching or therapy provides:

• A safe, non-judgmental space to process emotions
• Practical tools and strategies tailored to your specific situation
• Professional expertise in navigating complicated grief
• Accountability and support through the darkest times
• Techniques like NLP and hypnotherapy to process trauma

When to seek professional help:

• Grief feels overwhelming and you can’t function in daily life
• You’re having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
• You’re using substances to cope
• Grief hasn’t eased after 6-12 months
• You have no support system
• You’ve experienced traumatic or sudden loss
• You want expert guidance rather than figuring it out alone

As a grief coach in Birmingham, I work with clients using trauma-informed approaches including Master NLP, hypnotherapy, and Timeline Therapy. These techniques help regulate your nervous system and process grief on a deeper level than traditional talk therapy alone.

I offer:

• Free 30-minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit
• 12-week Grief to Growth programme
• One-to-one sessions at our Sutton Coldfield clinic or online
• Support for adults and children experiencing all types of loss

The support I wished I’d had during my darkest days is what I now provide to others. You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis. Early support makes all the difference.

14. Practice Self-Compassion (Talk to Yourself Like You’d Talk to a Friend)

How you speak to yourself during grief matters enormously. Many of us are incredibly harsh with ourselves, criticising, judging, or pushing ourselves to “get over it.”

Why it works: Self-compassion reduces suffering, helps you heal faster, and creates internal safety. When you’re kind to yourself, your nervous system can relax rather than being in constant self-attack mode.

How to practice self-compassion:

Notice your inner critic:

• Catch yourself saying things like “I should be over this,” “I’m so weak,” “Everyone else copes better than me”

Reframe with compassion:

• “I’m doing the best I can with unimaginable pain”
• “Grief is exhausting, and it’s okay that I’m struggling”
• “There’s no timeline for healing, and I’m exactly where I need to be”

The friend test:

• Would you say these harsh things to a dear friend who was grieving?
• If not, don’t say them to yourself

I was my own worst enemy during grief. The criticism added a layer of suffering on top of the pain. Learning to speak to myself with compassion was transformative. It didn’t make the grief disappear, but it made it more bearable.

15. Find Meaning and Purpose (When You’re Ready)

This strategy is for later in your grief journey, not for the early, raw days. But eventually, many people find that creating meaning from their loss helps them heal.

Why it works: Meaning-making doesn’t erase your loss, but it can help you integrate it into your life story in a way that honours your loved one and gives your pain purpose.

Ways to create meaning:

• Start a charity or fundraiser in their name
• Advocate for a cause related to how they died (cancer research, mental health awareness, road safety)
• Share your story to help others who are grieving
• Live the values they embodied – What would they want for you?
• Use your experience to help others (like I did by becoming a grief coach)

For me, my purpose became clear: I would use everything I’d learned from my own grief to help others. I launched Love Life Coaching & Events in 2020 to give people the support I never had. My pain became my purpose.

But this came years into my healing journey. In the early days, survival was my only purpose. Don’t pressure yourself to find meaning before you’re ready.

What About “The Stages of Grief”?

You might have noticed I didn’t include “go through the five stages” as a coping strategy. That’s because grief isn’t linear.

The famous five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are a helpful framework for understanding grief, but they’re not a checklist you complete in order.

In reality:

• You might experience multiple stages in one day
• You might skip some stages entirely
• You might cycle back through stages you thought you’d “finished”
• Your grief journey will look completely different from anyone else’s

The strategies I’ve shared work regardless of what “stage” you’re in. They’re practical tools you can return to again and again as grief evolves.

Creating Your Personal Grief Coping Plan

With 15 strategies, you might feel overwhelmed about where to start. Here’s my suggestion:

Choose 3 strategies to focus on this week:

1. One emotional tool (e.g., allowing yourself to feel, journalling, talking)
2. One physical tool (e.g., breathing, movement, nature)
3. One self-care tool (e.g., nutrition, boundaries, self-compassion)

Write them down. Put reminders on your phone. Ask someone to support you in practising them.

Next week, you might choose different strategies. The key is to have practical tools you can reach for when grief overwhelms you, rather than feeling helpless and out of control.

When Coping Isn’t Enough: Signs You Need More Support

These strategies are powerful, but sometimes grief is too overwhelming to navigate alone. Please reach out for professional help if you:

• Have thoughts of harming yourself or others
• Can’t function in daily life (can’t work, care for children, or maintain basic self-care)
• Are using alcohol or substances to cope
• Experience panic attacks or severe anxiety regularly
• Feel stuck in grief with no improvement after 6+ months
• Witnessed or experienced traumatic loss
• Have lost multiple people in a short time (compound grief)

These are signs that you need trauma-informed grief coaching or therapy, not just coping strategies. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you need expert support to help you through.

You Can Learn to Carry Grief Differently

Here’s the truth I wish someone had told me in my darkest days: The grief doesn’t disappear, but it changes.

You learn to carry it differently. The crushing weight becomes more manageable. The sharp edges soften. The constant pain becomes waves that come and go, sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming, but no longer constant.

You’ll have days when you forget to be sad. You’ll laugh and then feel guilty for laughing. (That’s normal, and they would want you to laugh.) You’ll think of them and smile instead of cry. You’ll build a new life that honours what you’ve lost while also embracing what remains.

Coping with grief isn’t about “getting over it.” It’s about learning to live with your loss while still loving life.

And yes, it’s possible. I’m living proof.

Ready for Support?

If these strategies resonate with you but you need more personalised guidance, I’m here to help.

At Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield, I offer:

• Free 30-minute consultation
• Trauma-informed grief coaching using NLP, hypnotherapy, and somatic practices
• 12-week Grief to Growth programme
• Support for all types of loss (not just bereavement)
• Sessions for adults and children
• In-person sessions in Sutton Coldfield or online across the UK

You don’t have to do this alone. Let me help you move from chaos to calm, from pain to peace, from surviving to thriving.

Contact me today:

📞 Call or text: 0121 387 3727
🌐 Visit: www.lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📧 Email: lucy@lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📍 Clinic: The Vesey, Private Hospital, Unit 3, Reddicap Trading Estate, Sutton Coldfield, B75 7BH

Serving Birmingham, Sutton Coldfield, Four Oaks, Boldmere, Solihull, and the West Midlands. Online sessions available UK-wide.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long will I need to use these coping strategies?
Some strategies (like breathing techniques and self-compassion) remain useful throughout your life, not just during grief. Others (like intensive journalling or constant grounding) you might need less as grief softens. Think of them as tools in your toolkit, you’ll use different tools at different times.

What if none of these strategies work for me?
If you’ve tried multiple strategies and nothing helps, this is a sign you need professional support. Complicated grief, trauma, or depression often require more than self-help strategies. Please reach out to a grief coach or therapist.

Can I use these strategies for non-death grief?
Absolutely. These strategies work for all types of grief: divorce, job loss, relationship breakdown, infertility, chronic illness, pet loss, and more. Grief is grief, regardless of the source.

Is it normal to feel worse before feeling better?
Yes. When you stop avoiding grief and start feeling it (as many of these strategies encourage), it can feel more intense at first. This is part of the healing process. You’ve got to feel it to heal it. But if you feel overwhelmingly worse or unsafe, seek professional help.

How do I cope with grief when I have to work or care for children?
This is incredibly difficult. Use “micro-coping” strategies, brief breathing exercises in the loo at work, journalling for 5 minutes before bed, a 10-minute walk at lunch. Ask for help with childcare when possible. And be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can in an impossible situation.

About the Author

Lucy Cole is the founder of Love Life Coaching & Events and an award-winning Grief Coach (Prestige Awards 2024/25 – Central England) based in Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham.

After experiencing profound personal losses, including the death of her mother to brain cancer, finding her stepfather after his heart attack, divorce, business collapse, and near-bankruptcy, Lucy trained extensively in grief recovery, trauma-informed coaching, Master NLP, hypnotherapy, and multiple coaching modalities.

Lucy launched Love Life Coaching & Events in 2020 with a mission to help adults and children navigate grief, loss, and trauma using practical, evidence-based techniques that go beyond traditional counselling. She specialises in trauma-informed approaches for complicated grief, sudden loss, and compound grief.

Qualifications: Grief Recovery Specialist | Master NLP & Hypnotherapy Practitioner | Personal Evolutionary Coach | Life, Health & Emotional Health Coaching | CBT Practitioner | Trauma-Informed Coach (in training)

Lucy is living proof that you can transform pain into purpose and rebuild a beautiful life after devastating loss.