How Long Does Grief Last? A Birmingham Grief Coach Explains

If you’re grieving right now, you’ve probably asked yourself this question countless times: “How long is this going to last?”

You might be desperate for the pain to end. Perhaps you’re wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. Or maybe someone has told you to “move on” or “get over it” by now, and you’re feeling like something must be wrong with you.

Let me start by telling you this: there is no timeline for grief. There is no “normal.” And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

I’m Lucy Cole, founder of Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield, and I’ve walked through the valley of grief multiple times in my own life. I lost my mother to brain cancer at 25, found my stepfather after his heart attack just months later, went through a devastating divorce, lost my business, and faced near-bankruptcy, all within a short space of time.

Through my own healing journey and now supporting hundreds of adults and children across Birmingham and the West Midlands, I’ve learned that grief doesn’t follow a schedule. But there are patterns, stages, and signs that can help you understand what you’re experiencing.

So let’s explore the real answer to “how long does grief last?”, and more importantly, how you can find your way from pain to peace.

The Truth About Grief Timelines

There Is No “Normal” Timeline for Grief

If you’ve been told that grief should be over in six months, a year, or any specific timeframe, please know that this simply isn’t true.

Grief is not a broken bone that heals in six weeks. It’s a deeply personal experience that unfolds differently for everyone. Some people may start to feel lighter after several months, while others carry their grief for years. Both experiences are valid.

The idea that grief has a set timeline often comes from outdated beliefs or well-meaning people who haven’t experienced profound loss themselves. In reality, grief is influenced by:

• The nature of your loss (sudden vs. anticipated, traumatic vs. peaceful)
• Your relationship with the person or thing you’ve lost
• Your support system and environment
• Previous experiences with loss and trauma
• Your coping mechanisms and emotional tools
• Whether you have space to grieve or need to “keep going”

I remember when I lost my mother. I was 25 years old, trying to build my life, and suddenly the person who had been my anchor was gone. People around me expected me to “bounce back” within months. But grief doesn’t work that way. The pain would hit me in waves, sometimes triggered by a song, a smell, or just waking up and remembering she was gone.

And then, just as I was beginning to process that loss, I found my stepfather after his heart attack. The compound grief nearly broke me.

What I learned through my own journey and now helping others as a grief coach is this: grief doesn’t end—it changes. It becomes something you carry differently. The weight shifts from crushing to manageable. The sharp edges soften. But asking “when will it end?” is the wrong question.

The better question is: “How can I learn to live with this grief and still love life again?”

What Influences How Long Grief Lasts?

Several factors affect how we experience grief and how long the acute pain lasts:

1. The Type of Loss You’ve Experienced

Not all grief is the same. The death of a loved one is the most commonly recognised form of grief, but grief can come from:

• Death of a parent, partner, child, or close friend
• Divorce or relationship breakdown
• Job loss or career changes
• Miscarriage or infertility
• Loss of health or physical ability
• Pet loss
• Moving away from your home or community

Sudden, traumatic losses (like finding someone after a heart attack, as I did with my stepfather) often create complicated grief because your brain doesn’t have time to prepare. Your nervous system goes into shock.

Anticipated losses (like terminal illness) allow for anticipatory grief, where you begin processing before the death occurs. But this doesn’t mean the grief is any less when the loss happens.

2. Your Support System

One of the biggest factors in how long acute grief lasts is whether you have support. When I was drowning in grief, I felt incredibly isolated. I didn’t have the kind of grief coaching support I now provide to others. I didn’t know how to process what I was feeling.

If you’re trying to grieve alone, without people who understand, it can prolong your suffering. This is why I created Love Life Coaching & Events, to give people the support I never had.

Having a grief coach, therapist, or support group gives you:

• A safe space to express your emotions without judgment
• Tools to manage overwhelming feelings
• Validation that what you’re experiencing is normal
• Practical strategies to navigate daily life while grieving

3. Whether You Have Space to Grieve

Many people don’t have the luxury of “taking time off” to grieve. You might have:

• Children depending on you
• A job that won’t give you bereavement leave beyond a few days
• Financial pressures that keep you functioning when you’d rather fall apart

I understand this deeply. After my losses, I still had bills to pay, responsibilities to manage. But here’s what I learned: suppressing grief doesn’t make it go away faster, it makes it last longer.

When we push grief down, it comes out sideways: through physical symptoms, anxiety, depression, anger, or unhealthy coping mechanisms. You’ve got to feel it to heal it.

4. Your Coping Mechanisms

How you cope with grief dramatically affects your healing timeline:

Healthy coping mechanisms include:

• Talking about your feelings with trusted people
• Journaling or creative expression
• Physical movement (walking, yoga, exercise)
• Grief coaching or therapy
• Allowing yourself to cry and feel your emotions
• Maintaining routines while also being gentle with yourself

Unhealthy coping mechanisms that prolong grief:

• Substance use to numb the pain
• Avoiding all reminders of your loss
• Isolating yourself completely
• Throwing yourself into work to avoid feeling
• Refusing to talk about your grief or the person you lost

In my darkest times, I used some unhealthy coping mechanisms. I wasn’t proud of it then, but I understand now that I was just trying to survive. The turning point came when I started to do the work, when I allowed myself to truly feel the pain rather than run from it.

The Stages of Grief: A Guide, Not a Timeline

You’ve probably heard of the “five stages of grief” made famous by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. While this model can be helpful, it’s important to understand that grief is not linear. You don’t go through these stages in order, tick them off a list, and then you’re done.

Instead, you might cycle through these stages multiple times, in any order:

1. Denial – “This can’t be happening”

In the early days after loss, your brain might struggle to accept the reality. You might forget for a moment that the person is gone, or feel like you’re in a dream.

2. Anger – “Why did this happen? It’s not fair!”

Anger can be directed at the person who died, at God, at doctors, at yourself, or at life itself. This is normal and healthy to feel.

3. Bargaining – “If only I had…”

You might replay events, wishing you could change the outcome. “If only I’d noticed the symptoms sooner,” or “If only I’d said what I really felt.”

4. Depression – Deep sadness and emptiness

This is when the full weight of loss settles in. You might feel unmotivated, exhausted, and struggle to see joy in anything.

5. Acceptance – Finding peace with what is

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it” or that you don’t still feel sad. It means you’ve integrated the loss into your life and can move forward while still honouring what you’ve lost.

My experience: I bounced between anger and depression for years. I’d have moments of acceptance, then something would trigger me and I’d spiral back into bargaining or denial. This is completely normal. Grief is not a straight line, it’s more like waves that come and go.

Signs Your Grief Is Moving Toward Healing

While there’s no timeline, there are signs that your acute grief is beginning to shift:

✓ You have more good days than bad days – Though you still have grief bursts, they’re less frequent

✓ You can talk about your loved one without completely falling apart – Tears may still come, but you can also smile at memories

✓ You’re starting to re-engage with life – You feel small sparks of interest in activities, friends, or future plans

✓ Physical symptoms ease – The exhaustion, chest pain, or other grief-related physical symptoms lessen

✓ You can experience joy without immediate guilt – You laugh at something and don’t immediately feel bad for feeling good

✓ You’re creating new routines and rituals – You’re finding ways to honour your loss while also living your life

✓ You have moments where you don’t think about the loss – At first, grief is all-consuming. Healing begins when you have pockets of time where you’re simply present in your life

Important: These signs don’t mean you’re “done” grieving. Grief anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, they can all bring waves of grief back, even years later. This is normal and doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.

When Grief Becomes Complicated or Prolonged

For most people, acute grief begins to soften within the first year or two. But for some, grief remains intense and debilitating for much longer. This is called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder.

Signs you might need additional support:

• Intense grief that doesn’t ease after 6-12 months
• Inability to accept the loss – You feel stuck in denial or disbelief
• Intrusive thoughts about the death that interfere with daily life
• Avoiding all reminders of the person or loss
• Feeling like life isn’t worth living or persistent thoughts of wanting to die
• Complete inability to function in daily tasks (work, self-care, relationships)

If this sounds like you, please know: there is nothing wrong with you, and you don’t have to suffer alone.

Complicated grief often occurs when:

• The death was sudden, violent, or traumatic
• You witnessed the death or found the person
• You had an ambivalent or difficult relationship with the person
• You’ve experienced multiple losses close together (like I did)
• You don’t have adequate support systems

This type of grief responds well to specialised grief coaching and trauma-informed approaches. As a Master NLP & Hypnotherapist and trained Grief Recovery Specialist, I work with clients who are stuck in complicated grief, using gentle techniques to help them process trauma and begin to heal.

How Grief Coaching Can Help You Heal

Here’s what I wish someone had told me when I was drowning in grief: You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to wait years to feel better.

Grief coaching is different from traditional counselling. While counselling often focuses on exploring your past and analysing your feelings, grief coaching is forward-focused. It helps you:

• Develop practical tools to manage overwhelming emotions
• Process your grief in a safe, supportive space
• Identify and release unhealthy coping patterns
• Create new routines that honour your loss while allowing you to move forward
• Build resilience and rediscover purpose in your life
• Learn techniques like NLP and hypnotherapy to regulate your nervous system

At Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield, I offer:

• One-to-one grief coaching for adults and children
• A 12-week Grief to Growth programme
• Trauma-informed approaches for sudden or violent losses
• Support for all types of grief: bereavement, divorce, job loss, and more
• Flexible in-person sessions at our clinic or online support

I’ve been where you are. I know the depths of despair, the feeling that you’ll never smile again, the exhaustion of just trying to survive each day. But I’m living proof that healing is possible. You can turn your pain into power. You can move from chaos to calm. You can love life again.

Finding Support in Birmingham and Sutton Coldfield

If you’re in Birmingham, Sutton Coldfield, or the wider West Midlands and you’re struggling with grief, you don’t have to wait months for NHS support. Private grief coaching offers:

• Immediate access to support when you need it most
• Personalised approaches tailored to your specific loss and needs
• Proven techniques like NLP, hypnotherapy, and Timeline Therapy
• A safe, judgment-free space to process your grief at your own pace

Our clinic is conveniently located at The Vesey Private Hospital in Sutton Coldfield, easily accessible from Birmingham city centre, Four Oaks, Boldmere, and throughout the West Midlands.

I also work with children and teenagers experiencing grief, providing age-appropriate support that helps them understand and process their loss in healthy ways.

Your Grief Is Valid. No Matter How Long It Lasts

Before I close, I want you to know this:

However long your grief lasts, it’s valid. Whether it’s been weeks, months, or years, your pain is real, and you deserve support.

There is no “should” in grief. You shouldn’t be “over it” by now. You shouldn’t “stay strong” if you need to fall apart. You shouldn’t feel guilty for laughing or for crying.

Grief is love with nowhere to go. And the depth of your grief reflects the depth of your love. That’s not something to rush through or get over, it’s something to honour, feel, and gradually integrate into your life.

You won’t always feel this way. The fog will lift. The weight will ease. And one day, perhaps not today, but one day, you’ll find that you can carry your grief alongside your joy. You’ll remember your loved one and smile. You’ll feel the sun on your face and be grateful to be alive.

That day will come. And I’m here to help you get there.

Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?

If you’re struggling with grief and wondering if you’ll ever feel okay again, I’d be honoured to support you.

Book a free 30-minute consultation to discuss how grief coaching can help you move from surviving to thriving.

📞 Call: 0121 387 3727
🌐 Visit: www.lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📍 Clinic Location: The Vesey, Private Hospital, Unit 3, Reddicap Trading Estate, Sutton Coldfield, B75 7BH

Serving Birmingham, Sutton Coldfield, Four Oaks, Boldmere, and the West Midlands. Online sessions available UK-wide.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for grief to last years?
Yes, absolutely. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. While acute grief often softens within the first 1-2 years, it’s completely normal to still experience waves of grief for many years, especially around anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays.

How do I know if my grief is “complicated”?
If your grief remains intensely debilitating beyond 6-12 months, interferes with your ability to function daily, or you find yourself stuck in denial or unable to accept the loss, you may be experiencing complicated grief. Professional support can help.

Can grief make me physically ill?
Yes. Grief affects your entire body. Common physical symptoms include exhaustion, chest pain, headaches, digestive issues, weakened immune system, and disrupted sleep. This is your body processing trauma and stress.

Should I see a grief coach or a grief counsellor?
Grief coaching is forward-focused and helps you develop practical tools to navigate your grief and rebuild your life. Counselling often explores past experiences and emotional patterns. Both can be valuable—it depends on what you need right now.

Do you work with children experiencing grief?
Yes! I provide specialised grief coaching for children and teenagers across Birmingham and Sutton Coldfield. I also support parents in helping their children process loss in age-appropriate ways.

About the Author

Lucy Cole is the founder of Love Life Coaching & Events and an award-winning Grief Coach (Prestige Awards 2024/25 – Central England). She is a trained Grief Recovery Specialist, Master NLP & Hypnotherapist, and holds certifications in Personal Evolutionary Coaching, Life Coaching, Health Coaching, and Emotional Health Coaching.

After experiencing profound losses including the death of her mother to brain cancer, finding her stepfather after a heart attack, divorce, business loss, and near-bankruptcy, Lucy dedicated her life to helping others navigate grief and trauma. She launched Love Life Coaching & Events in 2020 to provide the support she wished she’d had during her darkest times.

Lucy specialises in trauma-informed grief coaching for adults and children, using proven techniques like NLP, hypnotherapy, and Timeline Therapy to help clients transform pain into purpose and love life again.