Pet Loss Grief: Why Losing Your Pet Hurts So Much (And How to Heal)

When my client Sarah told me she felt “ridiculous” for being devastated about her dog’s death, I stopped her immediately.

“Your grief is not ridiculous. Your pain is real. And anyone who tells you ‘it’s just a dog’ doesn’t understand love.”

She cried with relief. For weeks, she’d been holding back tears at work, avoiding friends who dismissed her pain, and feeling ashamed for being “so emotional over a pet.”

But here’s the truth: Losing a pet IS real grief. And you’re not overreacting.

I’m Lucy Cole, founder of Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield and an award-winning grief coach. Whilst I specialise in all types of grief (from bereavement to divorce) I’ve also supported people through pet loss. And I’ve witnessed firsthand how profound and legitimate this grief is.

Your pet wasn’t “just a dog” or “just a cat.” They were:

• Your companion through difficult times
• Your source of unconditional love
• Your daily routine and purpose
• Your non-judgmental confidant
• Your family member

When they die, that’s genuine loss. And you deserve support, compassion, and time to grieve.

This guide will help you understand why pet loss hurts so much, how to navigate the grief, support children through pet loss, and eventually heal whilst honouring your beloved companion’s memory.

Why Pet Loss Grief Is Real Grief

Let’s start by validating something society often dismisses: Pet loss grief is as real and painful as any other significant loss.

What You’re Actually Grieving:

1. Unconditional Love Your pet loved you without conditions. No judgment, no expectations, no criticism. Just pure, constant love.

When they die, you lose that unconditional acceptance, something humans rarely provide.

2. Daily Companionship Your pet was there every single day:

• Morning greetings (tail wags, purrs, excited jumps)
• Walks or playtime routines
• Cuddles on the sofa
• Someone always happy to see you come home

When they’re gone, your home feels devastatingly empty.

3. Your Routine and Purpose Pets create structure:

• Morning feeding
• Walks at specific times
• Grooming, play, care
• Someone depending on you

Without them, your days feel purposeless and disorienting.

4. Physical Comfort and Touch Stroking your pet releases oxytocin (the “love hormone”) in both you and them. This physical touch was:

• Calming when you were stressed
• Comforting when you were sad
• A source of connection and warmth

Losing that physical comfort is profound.

5. Non-Judgmental Support Your pet never judged you for:

• Having a bad day
• Making mistakes
• Being emotional
• Not being perfect

They accepted you completely. That’s rare. And losing it hurts.

6. Your Identity as a Pet Parent For many people, being “Bella’s mum” or “Max’s dad” is part of their identity.

When your pet dies, you lose that role. Who are you without them?

7. A Living Connection to Memories If your pet was with you during significant life events (marriage, divorce, children growing up, moves, career changes), they were a living link to those memories.

When they die, it can feel like losing a chapter of your life.

8. Future Plans and Dreams You had plans:

• More walks, more adventures
• Retiring and spending more time with them
• Introducing them to grandchildren
• Just more years together

Those dreams died with them.

Why Society Dismisses Pet Loss (And Why That’s Wrong)

Pet loss grief is often “disenfranchised grief”. Grief that society doesn’t fully acknowledge or validate.

Things People Say (That Are Deeply Unhelpful):

❌ “It’s just a dog/cat.”
❌ “You can get another one.”
❌ “At least it wasn’t a person.”
❌ “You’re taking this harder than when [human] died.”
❌ “They lived a good life, you should be grateful.”
❌ “It’s been weeks now, aren’t you over it?”
❌ “I didn’t realise you’d be THIS upset.”

Why people say these things:

• They’re uncomfortable with grief (any grief)
• They don’t understand the human-animal bond
• They’ve never experienced deep pet loss themselves
• They’re trying to make you feel better (but it backfires)

But here’s what you need to know:

✅ Your grief is valid regardless of what others think
✅ The depth of your bond determines the depth of your grief
✅ You’re allowed to grieve as long as you need
✅ Comparing losses is pointless. All grief is personal

Don’t let anyone minimise your pain.

Why Pet Loss Can Feel Harder Than Human Loss

For some people, losing a pet is MORE devastating than losing certain humans. And that’s okay.

Why pet loss can feel uniquely painful:

1. Pets Depend on You Completely

Humans have agency. Pets are entirely dependent on you for everything, food, safety, comfort, medical care.

You were their entire world.

When they die, you might feel:

• Guilt (“Did I do enough?”)
• Responsibility (“I was supposed to protect them”)
• Profound failure if you had to make end-of-life decisions

2. The Decision to Euthanise

With human death, you usually don’t decide when they die.

With pets, you often must choose euthanasia. This is one of the most agonising decisions a pet owner faces:

• Timing: Too soon? Too late?
• Guilt: “Am I playing God?”
• Second-guessing: “What if they had more good days?”
• The finality: You literally schedule their death

Even when it’s the kindest choice, the guilt can be overwhelming.

3. Unconditional Love Is Rare

Human relationships are complex, there’s conflict, disappointment, conditions.

Pets love you unconditionally. Losing that pure love is devastating.

4. Constant Physical Presence

Pets are with you daily. Often more than human family members.

• They sleep in your bed
• Follow you room to room
• Greet you constantly
• Are physically present for hours every day

Their absence is immediately, constantly noticeable.

5. Less Social Support

When a human dies:

• You get bereavement leave
• People send flowers and cards
• Friends rally around you
• Grief is socially sanctioned

When a pet dies:

• No bereavement leave (or minimal)
• Many people dismiss it
• You’re expected to function normally
• Grief is minimised

The lack of support makes it lonelier.

The Unique Emotions of Pet Loss Grief

Pet loss brings specific emotions that might surprise you:

Guilt

Common guilt thoughts:

• “Should I have tried more treatments?”
• “Did I wait too long to euthanise?”
• “Did I do it too soon?”
• “Could I have prevented this?”
• “Did they know how much I loved them?”
• “Was I a good enough pet parent?”

The truth:

• You made the best decisions you could with the information you had
• Vets support your decisions. Trust their expertise
• Your pet absolutely knew they were loved
• You gave them a good life

Guilt is normal, but it’s not rational. Be gentle with yourself.

Relief (And Then Guilt About Feeling Relief)

If your pet was ill for a long time, you might feel relief when they die:

• Relief they’re not suffering
• Relief from the stress of care and worry
• Relief from financial strain
• Relief from watching them decline

Then you feel guilty for feeling relief.

This is completely normal. Relief doesn’t mean you didn’t love them. It means you’re compassionate and realistic.

Regret

“I wish I’d spent more time with them.”
“I wish I’d taken them on that last trip.”
“I wish I’d noticed the symptoms earlier.”

Regret is a way of trying to rewrite the past, but you can’t.

What you CAN do: Focus on the good times you DID have, not the ones you missed.

Anger

Anger often accompanies pet loss:

• Anger at the illness or accident
• Anger at the vet (even if they did their best)
• Anger at yourself
• Anger at the unfairness (why do pets’ lives have to be so short?)
• Anger at people who dismiss your grief

Anger is a normal part of grief. Let yourself feel it (without taking it out on others).

Emptiness and Purposelessness

Your pet created structure and purpose. Without them:

• Mornings feel wrong (no one to feed)
• Evenings are lonely (no one to walk)
• Your home feels silent and empty
• You lack motivation

This disorientation is temporary but deeply unsettling.

The Stages of Pet Loss Grief

Pet loss grief follows similar stages to human loss, but with unique characteristics:

1. Shock and Denial

“This can’t be happening. They were fine yesterday.”

Even if you knew death was coming (illness, old age), there’s often shock at the actual moment.

What this looks like:

• Numbness
• Disbelief
• Expecting to see them (hearing their collar jingle, expecting them at the door)
• Going through motions on autopilot

This stage can last days to weeks.

2. Anger

“Why did this happen? It’s not fair!”

Anger might be directed at:

• The illness or accident
• The vet
• Yourself
• The universe
• People who still have their pets

This is normal. Let yourself be angry.

3. Bargaining

“If only I’d noticed sooner…” “What if I’d tried that treatment?”

You might replay events obsessively, looking for what you could have changed.

Bargaining is your mind’s way of trying to gain control. But you couldn’t have changed the outcome.

4. Depression and Deep Sadness

“I miss them so much. Nothing feels right.”

This is the heavy grief stage:

• Crying frequently
• Profound loneliness
• Loss of interest in activities
• Difficulty functioning
• Everything reminds you of them

This stage often lasts the longest. Be patient with yourself.

5. Acceptance

“They’re gone. I’ll always miss them, but I can live with this.”

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means:

• You’ve accepted they’re gone
• You can remember them without falling apart every time
• You can function in daily life
• You’re open to joy again (and maybe even another pet eventually)

Acceptance takes time, months to years for some people.

How Long Does Pet Loss Grief Last?

The honest answer: As long as it needs to.

General patterns (but everyone’s different):

• Acute grief (intense, constant): 2-8 weeks
• Active grieving (strong but manageable): 2-6 months
• Gradual easing: 6-12 months
• Integration (carrying grief whilst living): 1-2+ years

Factors that influence timeline:

• Length of time with your pet (20 years vs 2 years)
• Circumstances of death (sudden vs expected)
• Your attachment style
• Other stressors in your life
• Whether you have support

Some people feel “mostly okay” within weeks. Others grieve intensely for a year or more.

Both are normal.

Coping Strategies for Pet Loss Grief

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve Fully

Don’t suppress your grief or rush it.

You’re allowed to:

• Cry whenever you need to
• Take time off work if you need to
• Talk about your pet constantly
• Look at photos and videos
• Feel devastated even if others think it’s “too much”

Grief needs expression, not suppression.

2. Create a Memorial or Ritual

Honouring your pet helps process grief:

Ideas:

• Hold a small memorial service (invite close friends/family)
• Bury them in your garden with a marker (if allowed)
• Plant a tree or flowers in their memory
• Create a photo album or scrapbook
• Frame their photo
• Keep their collar or a tuft of fur
• Write them a letter saying everything you wish you’d said
• Donate to an animal charity in their name
• Commission a portrait or paw print keepsake

These rituals acknowledge the loss and give you a focus for your grief.

3. Keep Talking About Them

Don’t stop saying their name or sharing stories.

Talk about:

• Funny things they did
• Your favourite memories
• What made them special
• How much you miss them

People might be uncomfortable, but keep talking anyway. Your pet mattered.

4. Maintain Routines (But Adjust Them)

Your old routines are painful reminders. But having NO routine makes grief worse.

Strategy:

• Keep morning/evening structure
• But modify pet-specific parts
• Example: Still go for a walk (for your mental health), just without them

Don’t completely abandon routines. Adjust them.

5. Connect With Others Who Understand

Pet loss is lonely if people around you dismiss it.

Find support:

• Pet loss support groups (online or in-person)
• Friends who are animal lovers
• Online communities (Reddit’s r/petloss, Facebook groups)
• Professional grief coaching

You need people who validate your grief, not minimise it.

6. Take Care of Your Physical Health

Grief is exhausting. Your body needs support.

Prioritise:

• Sleep (even if it’s difficult)
• Regular meals (easy, simple foods)
• Gentle exercise (walks help, even without your pet)
• Hydration
• Limiting alcohol (it worsens depression)

Physical self-care supports emotional healing.

7. Be Gentle With Yourself

You might:

• Forget they’re gone and call their name
• Set out their food bowl by accident
• Hear phantom sounds (collar jingling, paws on floor)
• Cry at random triggers

All of this is normal. Don’t judge yourself.

8. Decide What to Do With Their Belongings

There’s no right timeline for this.

Some people:

• Put everything away immediately (too painful to see)
• Keep everything out for months
• Gradually put things away over time
• Keep a few special items forever

Do what feels right for YOU. Don’t let others pressure you.

9. Consider When (Or If) to Get Another Pet

Signs you’re NOT ready:

• You’re looking for a replacement (no pet replaces another)
• You haven’t processed the grief yet
• You’re rushing to fill the void
• You feel guilty about the idea

Signs you MIGHT be ready:

• You’ve processed significant grief
• You’re excited about a new relationship (not looking for replacement)
• You have love to give again
• You’re emotionally and practically prepared

Some people get another pet within weeks. Others wait years. Both are fine.

But never get a pet to “fix” your grief. That’s not fair to the new pet.

10. Seek Professional Support If Needed

Consider grief coaching or therapy if:

• Grief is interfering with daily functioning after months
• You have thoughts of self-harm
• You can’t stop crying or get out of bed
• Grief is affecting your relationships or work significantly
• You feel completely stuck

Professional support isn’t “overreacting.” It’s taking your grief seriously.

Supporting Children Through Pet Loss

If your children are grieving your pet, they need age-appropriate support:

For Young Children (Ages 3-7):

What they understand:

• Limited understanding of death’s permanence
• Might think pet is sleeping or will come back
• May ask repetitive questions

What they need:

• Clear, honest language: “Max’s body stopped working. He died. He can’t come back.”
• Avoid euphemisms (“went to sleep,” “went away”)
• Reassurance about their own safety
• Permission to be sad
• Involvement in memorials (if they want)

What to say: “Max died. That means his body stopped working and he can’t breathe, eat, or play anymore. He can’t come back. I’m very sad too. It’s okay to be sad. We can remember Max and talk about him.”

For School-Age Children (Ages 8-12):

What they understand:

• Death is permanent
• All living things die eventually
• They may worry about other pets or people dying

What they need:

• Honest conversations
• Validation of their emotions
• Involvement in decisions (memorial, burial)
• Answers to their questions (even tough ones)
• Reassurance about other pets/people

Common questions:

• “Where do pets go when they die?” → Answer according to your beliefs, but acknowledge no one knows for certain
• “Will our other pets die too?” → “Eventually, yes. But hopefully not for a long time.”
• “Is it my fault?” → “No. You didn’t cause this. You were a wonderful pet owner.”

For Teenagers:

What they understand:

• Full understanding of death
• Deep emotional connection to pet
• May hide emotions to seem “tough”

What they need:

• Space to grieve privately if they want
• Validation (don’t dismiss with “it’s just a pet”)
• Honest conversations
• Reassurance it’s okay to be upset

Watch for:

• Withdrawal or isolation
• Anger outbursts
• Decline in school performance
• Self-harm or risky behaviour (if grief becomes severe)

For All Ages:

Do:

• Let them talk about the pet
• Share your own grief (shows emotions are okay)
• Include them in memorials
• Answer questions honestly
• Let them keep mementos (photo, collar)

Don’t:

• Lie about what happened
• Get a replacement pet immediately without discussing
• Dismiss their grief
• Tell them not to cry
• Avoid talking about the pet

For more guidance on supporting grieving children, see my article: “Helping Your Child Cope with Death.”

Special Circumstances in Pet Loss

Euthanasia: Making the Hardest Decision

Deciding to euthanise is agonising.

Signs it may be time:

• More bad days than good days
• Severe, unmanageable pain
• Inability to eat, drink, or move
• Loss of dignity or quality of life
• Vet recommends it

Questions to ask your vet:

• “Is there anything else we can try?”
• “What would you do if this were your pet?”
• “Is he/she suffering?”
• “What will the process be like?”

The guilt: Even when euthanasia is the kindest choice, guilt is normal.

Remind yourself:

• You ended their suffering
• You gave them a peaceful death
• Letting them go was an act of love
• You did the right thing even though it was hard

If possible, be present during euthanasia. Many people regret not being there.

Sudden or Traumatic Pet Death

If your pet died suddenly (accident, sudden illness, attack), grief is often complicated by trauma:

You might experience:

• Flashbacks or intrusive images
• Nightmares
• Hyper-vigilance or panic
• Guilt or self-blame
• Anger or rage

This is traumatic grief, not just “normal” grief.

You may need trauma-informed support to process both the grief and the trauma.

At Love Life Coaching & Events, I’m trained in trauma-informed approaches for exactly these situations.

Multiple Pet Loss

Losing multiple pets close together (or all at once in a disaster) compounds grief exponentially.

You might:

• Feel overwhelmed by cumulative loss
• Not have time to grieve one before the next dies
• Feel your home is devastatingly empty

This requires extra support. Don’t try to process multiple losses alone.

Pet Loss During Other Grief or Life Stress

If you’re already dealing with:

• Human bereavement
• Divorce or relationship breakdown
• Job loss
• Health issues
• Financial stress

Adding pet loss can feel like the final straw.

This is compound grief. It’s heavier than single grief. Be extra gentle with yourself.

When Pet Loss Becomes Complicated Grief

Most people process pet loss naturally over time. But sometimes grief becomes prolonged or severe.

Signs of complicated pet loss grief:

• Months or years have passed and grief hasn’t eased at all
• You can’t function in daily life
• You’re obsessed with the pet constantly
• You avoid all reminders entirely
• Severe depression or anxiety
• Thoughts of self-harm
• Inability to connect with other pets or people

If you recognise these signs, please seek professional support.

At Love Life Coaching & Events, I help people with complicated grief using trauma-informed approaches, NLP, and hypnotherapy.

When You’re Ready for Another Pet (If Ever)

Some people never want another pet. That’s okay.

Some people get another pet quickly. That’s also okay.

There’s no right timeline.

Questions to ask yourself:

Am I ready emotionally?

• Have I processed significant grief?
• Can I love a new pet without constant comparison?
• Am I excited (not just filling a void)?

Am I ready practically?

• Do I have time, energy, and money for a pet?
• Is my home situation stable?
• Am I prepared for another eventual loss?

What kind of pet do I want?

• Same breed or different?
• Similar personality or completely different?
• Puppy/kitten or adult rescue?

Important:

• A new pet is not a replacement
• They’ll have their own personality
• You’ll love them differently (not less, just differently)
• It’s okay to miss your old pet whilst loving the new one

Many people find that getting another pet honours their deceased pet’s memory. They’re passing on the love they learned.

You’re Not Alone in This Grief

If you’re reading this through tears, grieving your beloved companion, I want you to know:

Your grief is valid.
Your pain is real.
Your pet mattered.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not alone.

Thousands of people across Birmingham and the UK are grieving their pets right now. You’re part of a community of people who understand that pets aren’t “just animals”. They’re family.

Your pet was lucky to have you. You gave them a good life. And the depth of your grief is a testament to the depth of your love.

That love doesn’t disappear when they die. It transforms. You carry it with you always.

Get Support for Pet Loss Grief

If you’re struggling with pet loss grief and need compassionate support, I’m here to help.

At Love Life Coaching & Events in Sutton Coldfield, I offer:

• Compassionate grief coaching for pet loss
• Support for all types of animal loss (dogs, cats, horses, rabbits, birds, etc.)
• Help for children and families grieving pets
• Guidance on euthanasia decisions and guilt
• Support for traumatic pet loss
• Processing complicated pet loss grief

I understand that pet loss is real grief. And I’m here to support you through it without judgment.

Contact me:

📞 Call or text: 0121 387 3727
🌐 Visit: www.lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📧 Email: lucy@lovelifecoaching-events.co.uk
📍 Clinic: The Vesey, Private Hospital, Unit 3, Reddicap Trading Estate, Sutton Coldfield, B75 7BH

Serving Birmingham, Sutton Coldfield, Four Oaks, Boldmere, and the West Midlands. Online sessions available UK-wide.

Your pet mattered. Your grief matters. And you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to grieve a pet as much as a person?
Absolutely. The depth of grief reflects the depth of the bond, not the species of the being. If your pet was your constant companion, grieving them deeply is completely normal.

How long is too long to grieve a pet?
There’s no “too long.” Some people feel better in weeks; others take years. If grief is severely impacting your life after many months, consider professional support, but there’s no “deadline” for grief.

Should I get another pet right away?
Only if you genuinely feel ready and excited, not if you’re trying to fill the void or avoid grief. Many experts suggest waiting until you’ve processed significant grief, but there’s no universal rule.

I feel guilty for putting my pet to sleep. Will this ever go away?
Guilt is extremely common and usually does ease with time. Remind yourself: you ended their suffering. You gave them a peaceful death. You made a loving decision even though it was agonising.

Is it weird that I miss my pet more than some humans who’ve died?
Not at all. Pets often provide unconditional love, constant presence, and physical comfort that many humans don’t. Your grief reflects your unique bond with your pet.

Can I take time off work to grieve my pet?
Some workplaces offer bereavement leave for pets; others don’t. If possible, take at least a day or two. Your grief is legitimate, even if your workplace doesn’t recognise it officially.

About the Author

Lucy Cole is the founder of Love Life Coaching & Events and an award-winning Grief Coach (Prestige Awards 2024/25 – Central England) based in Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham.

Lucy specialises in all types of grief, including pet loss. She understands that the human-animal bond is profound and that losing a beloved companion is legitimate, devastating grief that deserves compassionate support.

Through her trauma-informed approach and techniques including NLP and hypnotherapy, Lucy helps individuals and families process pet loss grief, navigate difficult decisions like euthanasia, support children through pet loss, and eventually heal whilst honouring their pet’s memory.

Qualifications: Grief Recovery Specialist | Master NLP & Hypnotherapy Practitioner | Personal Evolutionary Coach | Life, Health & Emotional Health Coaching | CBT Practitioner | Trauma-Informed Coach (in training)

Lucy launched Love Life Coaching & Events in 2020 to provide compassionate, specialist support for all types of loss, including the often-dismissed but deeply painful loss of pets.